Cuckoos fifth

I am here at goodearth. Spent the last 3 days here. We just had the Loksabha elections which was a big deal as NaMo is all set for a second term and many people that I like and respect are really worried about this. But that’s now in the past and I have done all I can to uphold my beliefs... there’s only waiting left.

Spending time at goodearth is like all those things that you really anticipate doing but that when you actually do, it falls short of your expectations like eating cotton candy- all the pink cloudy fluff which turns to sticky miserable goo, or trying to sleep in a hammock with a book till within five minutes the ropes are digging into your shoulders and your neck at an odd angle begins to hurt...in short it’s just not worth it. What’s more Vasu and Urvi hate it.

I have had a good year work wise lots of work and lots of fun, been designing mostly houses for friends. Made enough money to feel good.
Urvi is 11 years old now she’s grown into a companion and a fun friend but  also reassuringly retains signs of childhood by pestering or throwing the occasional tantrum. Vasu has only got busier since my last post, the little black box is omnipresent. Thank god for my work which does not suck all my time out.
When I sit here and think of all the days ahead, think of my dad who now is 78 and wonder what he thinks of about his future, I feel depressed that life really is about spending time doing unimportant things or routine things and just existing till we die. No matter what we do, work,earn, marry, raise kids, build homes, go on vacations etc etc it’s all so stupid...millions have done the same things before us millions will after us.. I still have no t understood what the point of the whole thing is.
The only part of life that seems flawless is childhood when there is no expectations for the future and it’s only about the present. I am glad Urvi is a child and happy that she has many years of it still.

I think I have answered my own question and the depression is gone...and to some extent understand  the happiness the appa has... he is living in the present like a child.
Which in conclusion is what I shall do. The present demands that I sign off and go to bed as it’s pretty late ! Good night!

Cuckoos fourth

Reading my old posts was fun and has inspired me to write one more today!
As the pot of soup simmers, and stomach grumbles, I have about 5 minutes to finish this.

Urvi is a very grown up 8 now, a master of her own life, she shrugs of moms scolding with a yawn and advice with rolled eyes! But the child peeps out occasionally - like today - she is very worried about a black milk tooth and a perceived hole which she believes is a cavity....this is a big fear, as we, her parents have filled her head from her earliest days,of the deadliness of cavities!!!
( I am not worried as she is quite a conscientious child who brushes thrice a day and it's just a milk tooth after all ) but she has been agonising about it the whole weekend begging us to take her to a dentist despite her fears of getting injections.

These days I am dabbling at my profession and wallowing in pleasurable pursuits like reading and sleeping!!but this is beginning to pall, continuous  pleasure can get tedious. I am not sure about what I should do for the next fifty years are so! Vasu of course is happily putting  all his gray cells to good use and untiredly and endlessly gazing at his little black computer tapping away day and night! That's drive for you! Totally absent in me.

This year I turned forty, which means my life as such is half over. A time to think gravely about what I should do before time runs out, but happily only a tenth of me is worried about this the rest is happily cruising along in the ocean of life riding the highs and looking forward to greater highs.
I do sound like a druggie looking for constant highs...I feel like that at times.

Urvis night time pre sleep occupation at times is opening her multiple music books and singing really  intensely with total absorption. I worry that our neighbours may complain about this NIGHTingale!
This time the kacheri started with Hindustani,deshbakti, Carnatic and am sure will end with Katy Perry song with a resounding " you are going to hear me ROAR"!

Cuckoo's third

Parenting woes.
That's what I plan to wail about today. This is a warning for people who get bored by these things.
Today was open day at Urvi's  school. So it started in the morning. I had to nag her to get her moving, which she was extremely reluctant to do. I had to turn into the terrible and bossy mother, always bullying her:(

This is the tone of most of our days. Me nagging her to do everyday stuff that she has to do like brushing, flushing, bathing, eating, etc she trying her utmost not to do it.
So the situation deteriorates with  me turning Hitler and threatening her with dire consequences" IF NOT.......". What ever happened to gently guiding your child to do the right things at the right time? Must be another MYTH

So this afternoon after having administered a whack on the back for intolerable behaviour,  I felt like the most despicable parent tyrant.
To modify MY behaviour I made a chart with Urvi's BAD behaviour and Good behaviour written in bold black and red, put two sad faces under the black and advised her that if she got any more sad faces, some privileges would be taken away.

She promptly took a paper wrote MIRA BAD Mners and put 5 sad faces under it, pinned it up and announced all my privileges were gone for the day!

Then, listen to this -this caps it all, I told her that I awas the parent and she Couldn't do a thing to me. Can you believe that? Clear abuse of power.
I need HELP!

Cuckoos Second

This was a long time in coming. but it did come.
My life is chiefly occupied in extracting every ounce of pleaseure that I can from days otherwise  filled with routine.

If I have crawled into a corner with a good book to read, If I have gone out    with friends for a bit, If I have done some fun exercise like yoga, fastwalk(with some fast talk), If I have cooked and enjoyed eating good food, If I have not scloded Urvi once the wholeday, then I would say my day has been good.

I need to work. Not for money exactly (Money is very important ofcourse) it's, I suppose a fear that I will dwindle into being a mere house wife without work...well it is also more than that! It is also the feeling that I can be independent financially and have a life outside of family.

My biggest worry these days is that I am not being  very considerate towards Urvi. I could be more sensitive and patient.
OH.....!

what else???

Hopefully more will follow soon in cuskoo's third.

Cuckoo's first

In my life there have been many firsts, but  they are seldom  followed by  seconds and thirds.It is easier to start writing when I set to myself such  realistic expectations.My excuse is that same thing repeated too often gets to be tedious and a chore after a time.My sisters used to  called me  Jack of all trades and  master of none and it is true. I don't think I have the staying power to be the master of anything.

I did try many things Yoga, Swimming, Badminton, Basket ball, Carnatic Music, Veena, Salsa and Jive, did I mention Barathanatyam and Theater?(I am sure there are more but I cannot remember them all ) I am not boasting, I am just trying to recall all and see if any of it will interest me again. There are somethings that I always come  back  to like Yoga and of course reading has been a constant. So I shall give this blogging a shot!

So what shall I blog about ? Why should I presume that anyone will be interested in what I am writing. If it takes this much time to write  many people in the "World" (Vasu and Urvi)are going to be annoyed with me for talking to nobody about nothing for so long.

I could write about my opinions - but I change them too often and so wouldn't like to be pinned down by the written testament.

I could write about experiences. I like to have new experiences -good ones of course, or at least the ones that seem good when nostalgia sets in after the hardship wares off!

I could write about feelings. Should I limit it to positive feelings only? Imagine if I were to  vent my  spleen on something only to look back after a few years and wonder why I was so intense and silly, because that, invariably is what I think of my younger self.

I could write about current events.......I don't think so!

I could write short stories ........I shall certainly try that.

Well the inspiration behind it all is Anu whose blogspot that I read just a few minutes ago and found very interesting and entertaining.

So this here is the Cuckoo Corner for me  to pop out my ideas at any time I feel like and encourage myself to be as mad as a Cuckoo!